What is conflict resilience?

Conflict resilience is not the absence of conflict but the ability to manage it.

We will all be engaged in conflict throughout our lifetimes, some of us daily; some of us not so frequently but we cannot live our lives and be completely free of conflict because we are human.

We all have different values, needs and beliefs. There are not two people in the world who have the same thought at exactly the same time about the same things.

We are not robots. We will not always agree. That in itself is not a problem because important growth and development comes from discovering what you stand for and disagreeing with another person.

We have had great technological and scientific developments as a result of conflict because when we passionately hold a position we learn what stand for. We often learn a lot about the subject matter we are passionately arguing about. We become experts and our opinions matter. However these arguments are often respectful. Where all parties are heard and discussion follows due to the deep understanding the parties have about the issues.

However sometimes we are dealing with toxic conflict. When the conflict is toxic we do not deal with our differences particularly well. We tend to go into our “world of one” where we will hold on to what we believe as being right without respecting and acknowledging the other person’s point of you. It is all about us. The other person doesn’t matter.

When this occurs the conflict goes nowhere, because when two sides refuse to acknowledge the other person’s position or views then there is no scope for change, development, forgiveness or resolution.

Conflict resilience requires an awareness of our own values, our needs and how we wish to be perceived and an understanding the other people will have their own set of values, their own needs and an awareness of how they want to be perceived.  This awareness will provide an opportunity for the parties to deal with issues when they arise in a healthy fashion. They will be more respectful of each other; whilst at the same time being assertive.

Conflict resilience is developing the skills and awareness within yourself personally and in your team so you are able to do deal with any conflict situation when it arises in a healthy and respectful manner.

 

My family were not big on holidays when I was a kid.  We didn’t have any money and Mum and Dad weren’t very fond of each other most of the time; so we didn’t go away often.

But we did go on a couple of “big” holidays.  The first holiday was to Broken Hill to see Dad’s family home. That was an OK holiday. We were quite little and we had a few adventures.  The second was to Leigh Creek (I kid you not).

In both cases, Mum and Dad – actually it was probably just Dad – decided that we were going on a holiday and this is where we were going. No discussion was entered into regarding the destination. No one was asked what we wanted to do.

Dad was exhausted. He needed a break. We all just had to go for the ride.

I’m not going to go into the nitty gritty but the trip to Leigh Creek was a disaster.  It was the mid 70s.  Our big family holiday was to travel to the original Leigh Creek (not the new fancy Leigh Creek) in the middle of summer.

Picture this, five people sitting in the baby poo coloured Galant that didn’t have air conditioning travelling to a very basic house (again no air conditioning) in a fairly desolate mining town on the edge of a desert. A long, sweaty, unbearable car ride with three kids in the back saying “don’t breathe on me”, “don’t look at me”.  I can’t even…

On the up side, I saw my very first live snake on this holiday.

We were meant to stay a week. We lasted three days. It was torture.

This all happened in the 70s. It was a different time. Kids didn’t have much of a say. Kids weren’t consulted much. (And my dad wasn’t so great at taking holidays).

But we do things differently now.  If we go on holidays we are more likely to get buy in from the whole family.

The parents might say, “hey, we’ve decided to go to the Gold Coast for a week in the holidays. What do you want to do when we get there?” The parents might show them photos of all the things you can do at the Gold Coast. They might create a Facebook page so they can track all the things they want to do when they get there.  They might ask the kids to help them plan what they’re going to do on each day. They build up the trip and everyone is really excited.  They plan, they dream and they count down the days until the holiday.

Do that in business. Be clear about where you are going and when you want to be there. Take people with you. Get their buy in. Make them excited. Include them in the decision making process.

It will be a much better and more enjoyable journey if your team is traveling with you. And they will love you for it.

Hi, welcome to adelaideconflictmanagement.com.au.

My name is Kate Russell, and as the director of Adelaide Conflict Management (ACM), I am thrilled to be launching this new endeavour.

ACM is the culmination of 25 years’ of experience working with people dealing with conflict. I have developed a substantial knowledge base working as a manager, mediator, facilitator, decision maker, trainer and more recently becoming a trained conflict coach (CINERGY™). As a result I can easily identify what triggers conflict and how best to manage it.

But moreover I enjoy working with people, getting to know them and finding ways to best deal with the conflict they are dealing with. I also enjoy working with groups, working towards common goals and dealing with all the challenges along the way.

I recognise that we are all different – that’s what makes life interesting; but we have to find ways to accommodate our differences.

We offer a range of services including conflict analysis, mediation, conflict coaching, facilitated conversations/team meetings, assistance with change management and team building services to help your business better manage conflict before it occurs or when it occurs. By addressing conflict in the workplace your business’ productivity will improve and you will develop a positive workplace culture.

I’m excited to share my skills and experience with your workplace to reduce and/or better manage conflict that may arise so as to improve overall productivity and build a happier work culture.

If we have worked together, or if we are just meeting now, I’d love to discuss Adelaide Conflict Management with you. You can reach me at or leave comments on this post. You can also follow me on Facebook, Linked In or Twitter.

Cheers

Kate