I have been working out. I had a bit of a break from really working out over the last few months due to a mix of work and family commitments. But this is bad form for me and I realised that I had to get fit again – really fit. 

So I started doing group exercise and really pushing myself. 

Oh, the pain!  I have had sore legs, arms, glutes, quads etc… You know you’re alive after you work out. 

Working out is the process of working a muscle until it “tears” or “gets exhausted” and the muscle then needs to repair and then the muscle gets stronger.  

You can’t truly fit without putting all of your muscles under stress.  No pain, no gain. 

The same is true of your conflict muscles. 

Most of us are so conflict-averse that we avoid conflict like the plague.  So what that means is that we tolerate behaviour that is rude or inappropriate; we say yes when we are thinking no; we are compliant so that we don’t rock the boat.  As a result, we complain about other people, we feel bad about ourselves for not taking action and sometimes our health is negatively affected because we are so stressed about the behaviour of others. 

Conflict is just information that there is a problem. When we put it on the table and talk about it, then we have some chance of resolving the issues and making a change.  

So I think that dealing with conflict when it arises is like working out.  It’s uncomfortable initially but over time the muscle gets used to working in that way and it gets easier and easier. 

Being assertive, looking out for ourselves, speaking up and expressing our concerns or providing feedback is good for your soul and your physical and mental health. 

So don’t be scared of your team “working their conflict muscle” – in fact, I say you should encourage it.  It’s not as scary as you think. 


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