Brené Brown is right. Shame is one of the major reasons people get stuck.
So often I have leaders who have to point the finger at their team members for being bad, useless, lazy, dodgy etc. because they can’t or won’t look at how they might be contributing towards the performance of their team.
So they chastise, punish or blame their team for not doing what they want them to do, for gossiping, for creating silos.
These leaders do not have an awareness of how important their behaviour is in the workplace. They don’t recognise that they stress their team out when they are stressed; that they encourage the team to turn on each other when they start blaming members of the team for not getting it right.
And the reason they can’t look in and take responsibility for the performance of the team is usually shame. They are the boss, the leader. It is their role to get the team to perform, and they have failed. They are embarrassed and ashamed. It’s too painful to own that. So they don’t. And then things get worse.
We are not all skilled leaders. Leadership is rewarding but incredibly hard.
But the more we can be vulnerable and recognise the impact we have on our teams, the more we can look past the shame, the greater chance we have of becoming seriously good leaders.