So I am back on the exercise horse. I have been getting up at stupid o’clock every day and doing some exercise – a run (with a lot of walking thrown in) or I go to the gym and use the most boring piece of equipment ever invented (the treadmill – which truly was created as a torture machine).
I have generally just exercised on my own. Set my own pace, pushed myself but only as hard as I decided to go. I love being by myself. I love having some time in the morning to think, listen to podcasts and just prepare myself for the day.
But recently I joined a group, the Grand Challenge, where a number of us have all put in a $150 each to go towards a prize of $1000 which will go to the person who loses the greatest percentage of body weight over a 12 week period. We have also raised enough money that we have bought two memberships to a personal training program which we are sharing.
So I went out to the group personal training session on Monday to go for a run. Let me tell you – I was completely out of my comfort zone.
I am not an athlete. I am also not very fit at the moment and I have a dodgy back and really annoying tight calves that over-react to running way too often.
The rest of the small group was made up of a person who had just completed a half marathon, another full-on running enthusiast and another woman who had significantly more stamina than me.
I felt terrible. I wanted to go home; to run on my own. I couldn’t keep up and my calves hurt; really hurt. The PT was fantastic. The group were incredibly supportive and they had a process whereby they did laps to ensure that everyone stayed together. No-one cared that I was slow but me. I cared a lot.
I don’t like not being good at things. I am usually the person in the front of the room. I am usually the person who makes decisions and organises the troops. I was out of my comfort zone and I felt like a burden. I hate being a burden.
But it was my thinking that was the problem. I was projecting my feelings of being a loser and an irritant on to everyone else in the group and that wasn’t fair.
So I am going again this Thursday. I am going to keep going to these sessions and sit in my discomfort so that I can work on managing my unfair projections on to other people.